Dear Childhood Dreams

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Dear Teacher, Chef, Journalist, Vlogger, Scriptwriter, Director, Diplomat, and Writer.

I’m truly sorry for abandoning you these last eight years. These last eight years were kinda rough. I learned so many things till I was unable to make time for pampering you.

These past eight years, I learned things that had never crossed my mind before. I started realizing that paying bills cannot be done in a blink of an eye. I started acknowledging that food and rent are two essential things that don’t come cheap. I started counting my daily, monthly, and annual needs. Then I started thinking, how in Earth I could possibly afford it? And then, gradually, I started believing that I need a secure job to secure my future.

Ah, yes. I’m truly sorry for not believing you. I’m sorry for questioning you.
Yes, people spoiled me. They told me that you can’t give me a decent living. They told me that all of you are not reliable. They told me to start looking for another dream; a dream that have a respectable place in this world. A dream that is highly valued by society. “Ever consider being a doctor?” they said, as if being a doctor can be done as easy as lying.
Moreover, they pushed me to consider a still-fictional thing: family. “What about your child if you’re a movie director? You’re gonna leave them behind, aren’t you?” said their facial expression when I told them about one of you. “What about your husband if you’re assigned to stay in another country for five years? Don’t you think that the job ‘diplomat’ doesn’t suit you?” others said.

But, I’m not going to blame other people. It is me who is too naive to believe. It’s me who believe their shallow thoughts. I must have had believed that things like that doesn’t matter. A decent living can be pursued by any kind of livelihood as long as I enjoy what I do. I should realize sooner that my happiness is my priority and that my happiness can be seized by being what I want to be.

However, I guess it’s too late. I’m already poisoned by those thoughts. I’ve already seen them as some logical reasons. Maybe this is what people call as ‘growing up’. But if this is really is ‘growing up’, I guess growing up also means the death of childhood dreams.

So, if all of you are what used to be some precious seeds, I’m sorry for not giving any fertilizer to you. I’m sorry for not watering you these past eight years. I’m sorry to let you get crippled and forgotten over the years.

But, there’s one thing I want to say.
I really hope that I haven’t killed you all; I hope you’re just staying dormant. I wish that one day you can grow well and healthy. I wish that one day you can be a proof that people are wrong condescending you.

Sincerely,
The girl who pledged to encourage other children to look after their precious seeds.

I’m A Teenager: What Am I Going To Do?!

I have just received the result of my psychological test earlier which actually should help me determine my future. There, I found out that I have interest  in things which concludes laterary, aesthetic, social service, personal contact, and etc. By reading those 4 points, I didn’t feel being helped. I felt like I’m in a crossroad and ahead me there are lots of roads and I’m obligated to choose ONLY one road RIGHT AWAY. Then, a question crossed in my mind:

I’m a teenager; what am I going to do in my life? Who am I going to be?

And, yes, I suppose that is a question most of teenagers ask to themselves when they are moving toward maturity. Actually, I don’t really like the word ‘maturity’ since it sounds a little bit annoying and stiff, but I guess there is no other better English word to replace that word?

So, back to the topic, as a teenager, I humbly say that being a teenager is fun yet a crap. If you’re a teenager who don’t take your life seriously, fine, it’s easy to do your life. But if you’re a teenager who take your life seriously -or way to serious!-, the question above will haunt your whole teenage days.

The days of being a teenager are the best days of everyone’s life. We start to do fun things on our own without parental guidance.. that’s amazing! Yet the days of being a teenager are the days when ourselves are in our most vulnerable conditions. We start to figure things and have fun, but then we start to doubt things. We start to doubt who we are and other craps like that. We’re in the phase where we are trying to discover our true identity. And when we should discover things like that, society (or maybe system) force us to plan our WHOLE LIFE right away, regardless the fact that we’re still unconcern about our identity, by asking us to choose majors in university. That’s undeniably depressing! Here’s my impression of teenagers who take their lives seriously and get depressed eventually:

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Here, I gotta say, that right now, I agree with what Ted Mosby of How I Met Your Mother said:

How I Met Your Mother S04E19 "Murtaugh" QuotesThere I show you. But then, in How I Met Your Mother S04E19 titled “Murtaugh” (yes, I’m a fan of HIMYM), Robin Scherbatsky said:

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What can I say? I also agree with her. In an other way, being a teenager is fun, you also know that, right? I don’t mean to be miss-know-it-all, but I think all we teenagers have to do in our teenage days is just to do it. I know that advice REALLY SUCKS (I even consider that as the worst advice I have ever said), but what else can I say? We can’t just skip our life. I guess  all we have to do is do our best in this life and choose things wisely. And pray to God, of course. Determining what are we going to be in this life is sure a hard challenge.. but I guess we can try, right?

Well, actually, I even haven’t discovered many things in my life -I even haven’t discover my true identity! So, if you have any idea about this hauntingly beautiful crap, I would be very pleased if you share your advice on the comment below. Actually, that’s my purpose on writing this article, I NEED ADVICE!

Well, I guess that’s enough for today. Speak your ideas!

Arrivederci! Till we meet again.
Me 🙂

 

Believe It Or Not…

…you’re dealing with a girl who is growing up.

She may be the one who’s just a little girl when you first saw her. You used to see her in ponytails, running back and forth, screaming, crying, and saying innocent things because she was innocent.

But believe it or not, accept it or not, sooner or later you should deal the fact that she’s not the little girl from your memories anymore.

She has grown into something more big. Sure, she’s still a teenager, but that doesn’t mean you can treat her as not an adult. The thing is, you’re too stubborn to believe that she’s mature now. You’re too stubborn to believe that maturity is not based on age. Maturity is based on how people react to something. But you, you always see her as a little girl from your memories, and that makes you hard to believe that now she’s a mature girl. You treat her as a child since she’s just a teenager in your mind. You never know her but you just judge her by her age, and that’s… undemocratic. Your mind are too cloudy to judge her in the right way. You insisted that she’s always a little girl, but, believe it or not, she’s not anymore. And you should believe her, trust her, let her do things she want since she’s more mature now. But all you do is overprotecting her. Sure, I understand that you love her very much. But, don’t you think that she will hate you because of that? She will feel that she is not trusted. And don’t you ever think that you’re Mr. Know-It-All or Mr. The Best because that will make your mind more cloudy when you judge her.

Listen to her. Trust her. Let her do what she wants. You don’t know her anyway.
Believe it or not, she’s not the little girl from your memories anymore.
Deal with it.