Dear Childhood Dreams

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Dear Teacher, Chef, Journalist, Vlogger, Scriptwriter, Director, Diplomat, and Writer.

I’m truly sorry for abandoning you these last eight years. These last eight years were kinda rough. I learned so many things till I was unable to make time for pampering you.

These past eight years, I learned things that had never crossed my mind before. I started realizing that paying bills cannot be done in a blink of an eye. I started acknowledging that food and rent are two essential things that don’t come cheap. I started counting my daily, monthly, and annual needs. Then I started thinking, how in Earth I could possibly afford it? And then, gradually, I started believing that I need a secure job to secure my future.

Ah, yes. I’m truly sorry for not believing you. I’m sorry for questioning you.
Yes, people spoiled me. They told me that you can’t give me a decent living. They told me that all of you are not reliable. They told me to start looking for another dream; a dream that have a respectable place in this world. A dream that is highly valued by society. “Ever consider being a doctor?” they said, as if being a doctor can be done as easy as lying.
Moreover, they pushed me to consider a still-fictional thing: family. “What about your child if you’re a movie director? You’re gonna leave them behind, aren’t you?” said their facial expression when I told them about one of you. “What about your husband if you’re assigned to stay in another country for five years? Don’t you think that the job ‘diplomat’ doesn’t suit you?” others said.

But, I’m not going to blame other people. It is me who is too naive to believe. It’s me who believe their shallow thoughts. I must have had believed that things like that doesn’t matter. A decent living can be pursued by any kind of livelihood as long as I enjoy what I do. I should realize sooner that my happiness is my priority and that my happiness can be seized by being what I want to be.

However, I guess it’s too late. I’m already poisoned by those thoughts. I’ve already seen them as some logical reasons. Maybe this is what people call as ‘growing up’. But if this is really is ‘growing up’, I guess growing up also means the death of childhood dreams.

So, if all of you are what used to be some precious seeds, I’m sorry for not giving any fertilizer to you. I’m sorry for not watering you these past eight years. I’m sorry to let you get crippled and forgotten over the years.

But, there’s one thing I want to say.
I really hope that I haven’t killed you all; I hope you’re just staying dormant. I wish that one day you can grow well and healthy. I wish that one day you can be a proof that people are wrong condescending you.

Sincerely,
The girl who pledged to encourage other children to look after their precious seeds.

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2015: Another Chance

Ciao!
Tonight is new year’s eve in the country I live in and fireworks are already on to greet the so-called new year. In the last minutes of 2014, I’d like to note lessons I’ve learnt and deeds I’ve done this year. I guess having a little recall about the year we’ve just passed and muse about it on new year’s eve is a good thing to do. We always need to evaluate ourselves and new year just seems to be another perfect moment for change.

Before I write my 2015 resolution, here’s a look to my 2014 resolution:

Cut Alima’s 2014 Resolutions:
1. Try harder to be close to God.
2. Study hard, focus on my future, and put my spiritual and mental needs in my top priority.
3. Be selfless, kind, brave, honest, and smart. Also, be more alive and young.
4. Face my life whatever it takes and always be grateful.
5. Live happily!
6. Be smart like my junior high school senior,X (oh God, I believe he will be an important people in Indonesia later, maybe he will be a president).

This 2014, I gladly say that I’m progressing on my 2014 resolution. I feel younger and more alive than I was back in 2013. I enrolled to my dream school and -thank’s God!- got accepted. I met new friends and experienced many rare things which are precious. Well.. I did manage to live happier. Praise to God for all of that :’)

And what have I learnt from 2014?
1. Never rush things. Live every moment, every minute, every second you live. You can never go back to change things, so, live every moment so you won’t have to regret anything.
2. Never be ‘the best person according to people’s opinion’, but be the best version of you. It’s your life and no one ever have the right to tell you who you are. However, be opened for people’s opinion, they might help you to change into a better person.
3. Have a leap of faith on everything you’re afraid of. Try things, you might succeed.
4. Never think that tomorrow will come. Do everything as soon as possible or you might loose the chance.
5. Sometimes when we failed getting what we want after giving our best effort on it, we just have to pause. Maybe it’s not our turn.. maybe our turn is tomorrow or next year. We should be patiently waiting, move closer to God, keep thinking positively.
6. Karma does exist.

Now that I’ve learnt a lot of things in 2014, I just hope that I won’t forget it and carry them with me when 2015 come.

To be honest, I have also done bad things back in 2014. I regret things I’ve done and things I haven’t done and I guess there’s no way to come back and change it. So, I’m just thinking.. I think I should give my self another chance on the upcoming year. Another chance to be better, another chance to be happier. And I think you should, too.

To greet 2015, I decided to edit my 2014 year resolution and turn it to be my 2015 resolution. I wasn’t able to check every point on the list and so did on my 2013 resolution. Now I start thinking that we can never feel enough, moreover when it comes to uncountable things such as happiness or intelligence. So, checking points on new year resolution doesn’t really matter anymore; progressing is what matters.

And so, I hereby present you my 2015 resolution:

Cut Alima’s 2015 Resolutions:
1. Be closer to God and obey God’s rules the best I can. 
2. Study hard and focus on my future.
3. Put my spiritual and mental needs in my top priority.

4. Be selfless, kind, brave, honest, and smart. Not to forget, be more aliveyoung, and ladylike. Be a better person!
5. Face my life bravely, always be grateful, and always live happily!
6. Be a full-of-knowledge person.

So, now, let’s step back and have a toast for ourselves, for good deeds we’ve done. I guess all of us deserves a hug. Nevertheless, let’s say goodbye to those nasty deeds we’ve done, to those heartbreaks. Say goodbye to all traumas and to those fake smiles. Tomorrow we’ll be in 2015 and though it’s just another day another year, let’s vow to be a better person on the days ahead. Let’s give another chance to ourselves and other people.

So, HAPPY NEW YEAR!
May God be with us. *cheers

Arrivederci, Readers 😉
May our upcoming days full of happiness. Again, happy new year 🙂
-CA

I am still learning. –Michelangelo

I’m A Teenager: What Am I Going To Do?!

I have just received the result of my psychological test earlier which actually should help me determine my future. There, I found out that I have interest  in things which concludes laterary, aesthetic, social service, personal contact, and etc. By reading those 4 points, I didn’t feel being helped. I felt like I’m in a crossroad and ahead me there are lots of roads and I’m obligated to choose ONLY one road RIGHT AWAY. Then, a question crossed in my mind:

I’m a teenager; what am I going to do in my life? Who am I going to be?

And, yes, I suppose that is a question most of teenagers ask to themselves when they are moving toward maturity. Actually, I don’t really like the word ‘maturity’ since it sounds a little bit annoying and stiff, but I guess there is no other better English word to replace that word?

So, back to the topic, as a teenager, I humbly say that being a teenager is fun yet a crap. If you’re a teenager who don’t take your life seriously, fine, it’s easy to do your life. But if you’re a teenager who take your life seriously -or way to serious!-, the question above will haunt your whole teenage days.

The days of being a teenager are the best days of everyone’s life. We start to do fun things on our own without parental guidance.. that’s amazing! Yet the days of being a teenager are the days when ourselves are in our most vulnerable conditions. We start to figure things and have fun, but then we start to doubt things. We start to doubt who we are and other craps like that. We’re in the phase where we are trying to discover our true identity. And when we should discover things like that, society (or maybe system) force us to plan our WHOLE LIFE right away, regardless the fact that we’re still unconcern about our identity, by asking us to choose majors in university. That’s undeniably depressing! Here’s my impression of teenagers who take their lives seriously and get depressed eventually:

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Here, I gotta say, that right now, I agree with what Ted Mosby of How I Met Your Mother said:

How I Met Your Mother S04E19 "Murtaugh" QuotesThere I show you. But then, in How I Met Your Mother S04E19 titled “Murtaugh” (yes, I’m a fan of HIMYM), Robin Scherbatsky said:

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What can I say? I also agree with her. In an other way, being a teenager is fun, you also know that, right? I don’t mean to be miss-know-it-all, but I think all we teenagers have to do in our teenage days is just to do it. I know that advice REALLY SUCKS (I even consider that as the worst advice I have ever said), but what else can I say? We can’t just skip our life. I guess  all we have to do is do our best in this life and choose things wisely. And pray to God, of course. Determining what are we going to be in this life is sure a hard challenge.. but I guess we can try, right?

Well, actually, I even haven’t discovered many things in my life -I even haven’t discover my true identity! So, if you have any idea about this hauntingly beautiful crap, I would be very pleased if you share your advice on the comment below. Actually, that’s my purpose on writing this article, I NEED ADVICE!

Well, I guess that’s enough for today. Speak your ideas!

Arrivederci! Till we meet again.
Me 🙂

 

2014 Resolutions? Happy New Year! (Plus: Polling for My Future)

Today is new year’s eve, at least it is in my country, Indonesia. On the last day of the year 2013, I’d like to recall great things I have done in this year. I proudly say that I have faced heartbreaks -though not in the best way- and be a better person -though still not the best.

And then, I look forward. Every new year’s eve, sometimes we make new resolutions for us for the next year. Those resolutions kinda save us in this life by giving a line to be followed. And as tonight, right now, I’m trying to make my 2014 resolutions.. I’m feeling confused. What am I going to pursue in 2014? That thought creeps on my head. But then, I take a look at my 2013 resolutions.

Cut Alima’s 2013 Resolutions:
1. Try harder to be close to God.
2. Study hard, focus on my future, and put my spiritual and mental needs in my top priority.
3. Be selfless, kind, brave, honest, and smart. Also, be more alive.
4. Face my life whatever it takes and always be grateful.
5. Live happily!
6. Be smart like my junior high school senior (I’m afraid he’s going to find out if I put his initials, so.. just call him X).

And right now, I think that we don’t always need new resolutions every new year. Because for me, honestly, I haven’t pursue all of my 2013 resolutions.. and in 2014, I’d like to still trying to pursue those. Maybe one day in 2014 I’ll add some more points in my resolutions, but that’s alright. At least we have a line to follow, I don’t want a new one right now.

And so (oh God, I have said a lot of AND), here’s my 2014 resolutions:

Cut Alima’s 2014 Resolutions:
1. Try harder to be close to God.
2. Study hard, focus on my future, and put my spiritual and mental needs in my top priority.
3. Be selfless, kind, brave, honest, and smart. Also, be more alive and young.
4. Face my life whatever it takes and always be grateful.
5. Live happily!
6. Be smart like my junior high school senior,X (oh God, I believe he will be an important people in Indonesia later, maybe he will be a president).

Besides thinking about new year’s resolution and your or our future, I suppose we should celebrate tonight, right? Tonight is the end of a year, and tomorrow we will start another one. We will have a brand new blank canvas to be painted!

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE! May God be with us! *cheers*

And now (dammit!), I’d like to ask you guys a favor. I’ve been thinking about what will I be in the future and I’m still stuck when I’m thinking about it, so tonight, I want to ask you something.

Thank you guys. Your voice means a lot for me.
And again, HAPPY NEW YEAR! 🙂