The Art I Master In One Year of College

The video above sums up the major lesson I learn from the first year of college life, albeit the excessive use of the f word is not a part of what I learn. To keep my posts suitable for all ages, from this point onward, I’ll replace the f word with fish.

Four years ago, back when I was in high school, I was taught to give a fish to almost every people and every events around me. Not without any purpose, those lovely seniors who taught me expected me to reduce my indifference. As a minimum requirement, I was expected to know the condition of my friends or colleagues. If it had been possible for me to help him/her, I would’ve felt obliged to do so. In one way or another, giving fish to something that is not my business at the first place is shaping me to be more social. It makes me easier to do unnecessary good deeds willingly. The impact of giving a fish to almost every single thing to my habit is not so surprising though as it is actually basic physics:

Newton’s First Law of Motion
An object at rest stays at rest and an object in motion stays in motion with the same speed and in the same direction unless acted upon by an unbalanced force.

I constantly give fish to people, thus it’s easier for me to give another fish to other people the next time.

However, one thing my seniors forget to teach us is that we actually need to consider who (or what) get more fishes than others. Some people or some things aren’t worth giving the fishes! Sure, it’s okay to give tiny weeny lacking omega-3 fishes to everyone or everything; it doesn’t cost that much. Giving tiny fishes for free is kinda good though if we consider it as an act of charity that might bring smiles on people’s faces. But although there are plenty of fishes in the sea, our access to the most nutritious fishes is limited. Our resource of good quality fishes is scarce; we must manage it well enough to keep it sustainable.

Entering college let me acknowledge diverse interesting things that can actually easily seduce me to give them fishes for free. But as a year went by, I get more assured that those appealing things aren’t worth my fishes. Sure, they might seem shining shimmering splendid (you peeps are an old school if you get this), but they don’t need my fishes. They’ll still be working fine without mine. Plus, many of things I met won’t give me anything back for a return (knowledge, tranquility, attention, etc), so why should I give mine?

Some may say that giving or not giving fishes based on the rule I set up for my self is too transaction-al. But, hey, guess what! Life itself is a transaction between us, human being, with The Creator. We obey The Creator’s rules to reach heaven as a return; why can’t we apply those rules on daily basis? All I say is that we really should start investing fishes on things that matters or to things that need it the most. That way, zero fish is wasted.

Ciao! lookingbackfromnow,didIaccidentallyenrolltocollegeoflife?

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What We Have But They Don’t

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“Aislinn, what makes us work?”

I felt some weight shifted from the side of my body. Aislinn pulled herself, making us seemed like two individuals sitting properly on a couch after how-many-hours-only-God-could-count spending the rest of the Sunday being two individuals clasped in one wrapped by a thick white duvet, looking like a potato made of snow. “Huh?”

“What makes us work?” I repeated.

“I cannot see where this conversation is going,” she said blatantly. I don’t blame her. My random question might have distracted her focus from solving Tommy and Tuppence’s case narrated by Agatha Christie inside the thin N or M novel she had on hand.

“We were once complete strangers, but now look at us! We’re the dynamic duo, two relationship virtuoso.” I saw her smile broadened a little. “So, I was wondering, what is the thing between us that makes us work?”

Aislinn put her book down and she then gazed at the ceilings. Her eyesight might be limited by white-painted walls around us, but I exactly know that her mind was wandering freely to the edge of the universe, seeking for answers. That’s just the way she is, a deep thinker, a great companion slash lover.

“Is it our similarities?” I asked again. “I know that we’re not so much alike, but is it those small similarities that makes us work?”

She then turned at me. Her eyes were locked at mine.. and I was lost. I was lost at her warm almond eyes. I know that ‘similarity’ was not the answer we were looking because she was diving to the deepest part of me by looking into my eye. She often did that, as if my eyes held all the answer she needed.

“I know what makes us work.” Funnily, we both said those exact words at the same time.

“What do you think it is?” she asked quickly.

“I think we have big enough hearts to understand each other. We digest information from each other thoroughly before we reply.. and I guess that’s why we’re able to understand each other well enough.”

“Hmm, similar,” she said. “I think we work because we listen. Honestly, I really appreciate it whenever you stop looking at your phone every time I called your name. It might be something very simple, but it means a lot to me. It’s a proof that you’re a good listener, and that’s all I need.”

“Oh, I just don’t want you to take my phone away just because you’re mad at me for gaming all the time,” I said. Oh, teasing her was always fun!

“If that’s so, you’re such an arse!” she sneered, sticking her tongue out at me. “But really, I think people nowadays should stop taking public speaking classes and start taking public listening classes instead, if there is one. We always want to be heard ’till we forget to listen. We humans are too selfish, aren’t we?!”

She started ranting for like a whole five minutes, condemning humanity. That’s one of the thing I like about her: she’s fully aware of anyone’s flaws (including hers) and she’s eager to mend it. She is like a program which automatically knows when to hit the refresh button.

“You know what, Aislinn?”

“Hmm?”

“I really appreciate it when you answer my silly questions seriously,” I finally said. Really, I’m truly grateful for it. Finding someone who would listen to your dorky dreams or silly stories is like seeking for a needle on a haystack. It’s hard, nearly impossible. Dear Good Gracious God, what have I done that makes me deserve her? “Thank you, love.”

She didn’t reply, but what she did next was enough to light my heart the whole evening. Our random Sunday discussion ended with her bright smile addressed to me.

Yes, to me.

The Question Only Time Can Answer

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What’s your plan for the next 20 years?

That is the question I must answer as a consequence of being a newly registered medical student (not really, never in a million years I’ll be entitled as a doctor). As someone who entered med school for the knowledge it provides and not for the curing license it gives, I have no plan at all. Therefore, this question haunts me day and night as the deadline of the task is not getting any longer.

Wherever and whenever I try to arrange the plans I’ll provide as an answer to that one particular question, I have flashbacks of a quite enlightening conversation I had with some friends. We  were sitting in my class on a one fine afternoon after school. Out of nowhere, someone asked me why I consider choosing health nutrition as the major I wanted to excel in although I had a greater passion in something else (communication). Long story short, I told them that I chose it because I believe it is the most logical thing to do; it is the all-in-one package of things I want to study.

In the university I enrolled in, the health nutrition major demands us to study diverse topics (which I’m interested in): communication, management, psychology, and philosophy. I’ve seen other majors’ curriculum and none of those are as diverse as health nutrition’s. Since I’m totally aware that college is expensive and it is more likely to be a chance of a lifetime, I try my best to pick the major that gives the greatest reliever for my thirst of knowledge.

At that time, I shared my worries to those who were there. I told them that I was in a dilemma: should I follow my heart (which will more likely lead me to the thing I’m really passionate about) or should I follow my brain (which decided to think logically)? At that time, my inner self rooted for my brain as it has more pros instead of cons. However, never had I before imagined my self being a nutritionist, telling people to live healthy while I myself prefer greasy lamb chop than carrots and broccoli.

Probably pitying me for drowning in my own worries, a free-spirited friend of mine spilled his opinions out, “You cannot decide who you want to be from what undergraduate major you choose. Undergraduate studies only carve the way you think. What you’ll be is decided once you study in postgraduate school.”

You see, he and I are nothing alike. All my life, I used to have a life-long plan. I had always known what school I want to study in, I had always discovered what I wanted to do in life. But him? He is some kind of a free-spirited artist. He never really thinks his life through, but somehow he managed to keep himself afloat in this deadly current named life. He enjoys his life to its fullest while I focus on the present deeds I must do in order to secure my upcoming happiness in the future. Although I understand his principles, I always find it hard to imagine my self having those as mine.

However, that time, I kinda trust his words. Maybe I found it true, or maybe I was too desperate looking for words that can soothe me. From that day on, I change my perspective. I won’t let my major steers my future; I’ll use my major as a vehicle to reach my future.

So, right now, by the time I write this, I don’t have any detailed plan or grand ambition when it comes to my life as a health nutrition stud (I haven’t even had a single class!). When it comes to my life as a health nutrition stud, I just want to start college, learn new things about a particular thing I’m interested into, and see whether it works for me or not. If it works, sure, I’ll try my best to excel in it. If it doesn’t, maybe I’ll try other things. As Rumi said:

Let yourself be silently drawn by the strange pull of what you really love.

However, I still have lots of ambitions outside my life as a health nutrition stud. Since I’m aware that I’m a little bit derailed, I’m not going to rush to make things happen. I’m not going to take it hard on my self, too. From now on, I’ll try figure out how my vehicle works out before using it on a journey in an alien terrain en route to my ambition. Yet, it is still possible that someday I’ll grow an ambition in the “health nutrition land”.. who knows?

This time, I’m a little bit relaxed because I used to be in some kind of competition (competing to get the best junior high and high school in town) and now I’m not. College doesn’t work that way. In college, I believe success is no longer defined as “accepted in the school of your dream” or “stand out among others”; to me, the definition of success has transformed into “live happily and be the kind person you want to be“.

Well, maybe this is just a rambling from someone who entered a major due to logical reasons instead of any magical callings from the inside, but I’ve witnessed lots of friends who half-heartedly choose to stay in a major he or she doesn’t like because of harsh reality and I hope this helps (although, praise the Lord, I don’t stand on their shoe, so maybe this is not too accurate)(plus, I consciously choose my major as the vehicle of my choice).

So, to answer that haunting question, can I say that I can’t? I have never been a 38-year-old woman and I don’t know what I’m going to do when I’m at that age. The age 38 is still 20 years away from me; for an 18-year-old girl, that age feels indistinct. And.. within those 20 years, anything can happen. Life requires people to open doors that lead to lots of opportunity; life is full of plot twists and surprises. Sometimes we can go straight to our destination, but sometimes we need to take a detour just for the sake of life lessons. That question can only be answered by time with the help of sudden inspiration.. and I cannot be forced to answer it right away. So, instead of planning it down to every details, why don’t we just focus on walking down the road?

oh how I want to write this on my paper

I’m A Teenager: What Am I Going To Do?!

I have just received the result of my psychological test earlier which actually should help me determine my future. There, I found out that I have interest  in things which concludes laterary, aesthetic, social service, personal contact, and etc. By reading those 4 points, I didn’t feel being helped. I felt like I’m in a crossroad and ahead me there are lots of roads and I’m obligated to choose ONLY one road RIGHT AWAY. Then, a question crossed in my mind:

I’m a teenager; what am I going to do in my life? Who am I going to be?

And, yes, I suppose that is a question most of teenagers ask to themselves when they are moving toward maturity. Actually, I don’t really like the word ‘maturity’ since it sounds a little bit annoying and stiff, but I guess there is no other better English word to replace that word?

So, back to the topic, as a teenager, I humbly say that being a teenager is fun yet a crap. If you’re a teenager who don’t take your life seriously, fine, it’s easy to do your life. But if you’re a teenager who take your life seriously -or way to serious!-, the question above will haunt your whole teenage days.

The days of being a teenager are the best days of everyone’s life. We start to do fun things on our own without parental guidance.. that’s amazing! Yet the days of being a teenager are the days when ourselves are in our most vulnerable conditions. We start to figure things and have fun, but then we start to doubt things. We start to doubt who we are and other craps like that. We’re in the phase where we are trying to discover our true identity. And when we should discover things like that, society (or maybe system) force us to plan our WHOLE LIFE right away, regardless the fact that we’re still unconcern about our identity, by asking us to choose majors in university. That’s undeniably depressing! Here’s my impression of teenagers who take their lives seriously and get depressed eventually:

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Here, I gotta say, that right now, I agree with what Ted Mosby of How I Met Your Mother said:

How I Met Your Mother S04E19 "Murtaugh" QuotesThere I show you. But then, in How I Met Your Mother S04E19 titled “Murtaugh” (yes, I’m a fan of HIMYM), Robin Scherbatsky said:

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What can I say? I also agree with her. In an other way, being a teenager is fun, you also know that, right? I don’t mean to be miss-know-it-all, but I think all we teenagers have to do in our teenage days is just to do it. I know that advice REALLY SUCKS (I even consider that as the worst advice I have ever said), but what else can I say? We can’t just skip our life. I guess  all we have to do is do our best in this life and choose things wisely. And pray to God, of course. Determining what are we going to be in this life is sure a hard challenge.. but I guess we can try, right?

Well, actually, I even haven’t discovered many things in my life -I even haven’t discover my true identity! So, if you have any idea about this hauntingly beautiful crap, I would be very pleased if you share your advice on the comment below. Actually, that’s my purpose on writing this article, I NEED ADVICE!

Well, I guess that’s enough for today. Speak your ideas!

Arrivederci! Till we meet again.
Me 🙂

 

Complete.

Idk.
In every phase of life, there’s one moment where everything sucks at best. Lack of attention, lack of love. Your heart cracked into pieces. At that time, all we want to do is to disappear from this world. Crying suddenly become our favourite activity.

Idk.
But sometimes, how hard is that time, there’s always some people who stands behind you. Cheering you up. There’s some people too who stands in front of you, guiding you back. Somehow, they’ll make you complete, happier than ever.

Kimmi Smiles once said for broken hearts :

Image (3)

She also said..

Image (2)

And she’s absolutely true.

Let Go.

Imagine that you’re a glass box, ready to be filled. You’re standing in the middle of Keukenhof, surrounded by those amazing-beautiful flowers. You picked a lot of flowers and putted it inside you. Abseloutly happy. Beautiful. People can see those and happiness and beauty inside you. But then, an unknown boy out of nowhere, sneaked into you. THAT. The boy made you glow and shine more than the sun, brought you to the higher feelings you’ve ever experienced. The flowers inside you bloomed extremely fast, and it got more beautiful than ever. The time passed and that boy lost it’s glow. It’s the time for him to take all he has given to you. He took your glow, your shine, your beauty, and your happiness. And then he left. Leaving you with those rotten flowers. Black, no beauty at all.

All you can do is to blame him for what have happened. But that’s so useless. Forgive him. Grab those rotten flowers, blow a balloon, put those rotten flowers inside it, tied the balloon, and let it go. Get rid of those black-rotten flowers. You’re going to be okay. You’re still the same glass box. Remember that there’s so many flowers near you ready to be picked.

How about him? He’s just your past. He did make you feel better, but he didn’t last, right? At last he left you with rotten things. Deal with it. Remember him, just to remind you that there will be another unknown boy that will make you glow and shine. Remember him, just to remind you that there will be another unknown boy that will left you with rotten things.

Forgiving and letting go is abseloutly not easy at all. But what can we do?
Forgive and let it go. Deal with the memories.

Broken heart will be cured by the time.
You’ll be okay :’)

An amazing advice about broken hearts from Kimmi Smiles :