Things I Should Have Done

If I had known what would happen,
And if God gave me a chance to go back to that day,
I’d like to rush to your room,
Talk to you for hours,
Share some laugh and jokes with you,
Spending our last day together.
After that,
When I’m about to leave,
I’d like to kiss your forehead,
And whisper in your ear how much I love you and how I’m so proud of you,
And say a proper ‘see you later’.

But there are no regrets in my mind,
Cause I know you can feel my love from the prayers I sent for you.
And there will be no regrets in my mind,
Cause I’m going to move on and continue my life as I know that’s what you’ll tell me to do if you’re still here.

***

Dedicated to my beautiful gorgeous friend, Luthfi ‘Ufairoh.
May you rest in peace, Sunshine. See you later ({})

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Pawitikra 014’s Graduation Day!

So on June 22, I and the rest of Pawitikra’s 9th graders graduated. Apparently, I’m a part of the class 9.4, Exinfour, Extraordinary Inter Four. Our graduation day was amazing and emotional (you know how graduation day is). Here I’ll post some pics of our graduation day:

My classmates and I in front of our classroom.

My classmates and I in front of our classroom.

My classmates and I in our school hall.

My classmates and I in our school hall.

Some of the ladies of Exinfour.

Some of the ladies of Exinfour.

Some of the gents of Exinfour.

Some of the gents of Exinfour.

The DeNFaFi.

The DeNFaFi.

I, Rizki Ayu, Adelia P, and a half of Mar'atul Jannah

I, Rizki Ayu, Adelia P, and a half of Mar’atul Jannah

I and the beautiful Cindy Wieke.

I and the beautiful Cindy Wieke.

I and the beautiful Pravistiarani Adia.

I and the beautiful Pravistiarani Adia.

Exinfour's smarty pants: Adelia P and Halida D.

Exinfour’s smarty pants: Adelia P and Halida D.

Halida D, I, and the cheerful Firsty L.

Halida D, I, and the cheerful Firsty L.

I and Halida D

I and Halida D

The most critical thinking girl on earth Deasita, I, and Adelia P.

The most critical thinking girl on earth Deasita, I, and Adelia P.

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The awesome Hanqenina D and I.

The beautiful Mar'atul Jannah and I.

The beautiful Mar’atul Jannah and I.

The awesome Putri Faizah and Tsany Raihanah.

The awesome Putri Faizah and Tsany Raihanah.

Deasita and Adelia P. Best friend foreva!

Deasita and Adelia P. Best friend foreva!

Adelia P and Rizki Ayu.

Adelia P and Rizki Ayu.

Rizki Ayu and Mar'atul Jannah.

Rizki Ayu and Mar’atul Jannah.

Deasita and Rizki Ayu.

Deasita and Rizki Ayu.

Rizki Ayu and Tsany Raihanah.

Rizki Ayu and Tsany Raihanah.

The three besties: Putri F, Luthfi U, and Mar'atul Jannah.

The three besties: Putri F, Luthfi U, and Mar’atul Jannah.

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Ardini Batrisya, I, and Afif H Jovian!

Ardini Batrisya, I, and Afif H Jovian!

My beautiful friends Pravistiarani Adia, Tsany R, Aulia Deshinta, and Dinda S.

My beautiful friends Pravistiarani Adia, Tsany R, Aulia Deshinta, and Dinda S.

Stick your tongue!

Stick your tongue!

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Putri F and Ahmad Dhira.

Putri F and Ahmad Dhira.

Hanin Caya and Ahmad Dhira.

Hanin Caya and Ahmad Dhira.

Dea Er and Ahmad Dhira.

Dea Er and Ahmad Dhira.

Luthfi U and Ahmad Dhira.

Luthfi U and Ahmad Dhira.

I and Ahmad Dhira.

I and Ahmad Dhira.

Adelia P and Ahmad Dhira.

Adelia P and Ahmad Dhira.

Firsty L and Ahmad Dhira.

Firsty L and Ahmad Dhira.

Fanny R and Ahmad Dhira.

Fanny R and Ahmad Dhira.

I and Dinda S.

I and Dinda S.

Hanin Caya's family.

Hanin Caya’s family.

At last, all I can say is “Happy Graduation!”. I’m gonna miss Exinfour ūüė¶

Semoga wisuda kali ini bukan berarti jalan keluar, tapi pintu masuk buat mimpi-mimpi yang baru. Semoga kita bisa bertemu dalam keadaan yang lebih sukses lagi. ūüôā -Deasita

Coffee Shop Talk

14. Cafe Sacher (32)

I was about to flee when the girl I had been waiting for hours appeared in front of the coffee shop. She saw me through the window and waved her right hand towards me.

Tanya is a sickly pale girl with curly blonde hair down to her waist. She’s short and was never been and will never be ¬†in the list of ‘beautiful girls according to male’s stereotypical types’ . Men who don’t look at her heart avoids her. But the thing I like the most about her is that she’s always cheerful. No matter what happened to her, she smiles. I’m a man and basically I’m the master of ignoring¬†and I should have feel ease to people who ignore things, but I’m still curious what makes a girl with more emotional endurance like Tanya can still smile anywhere anytime.

“Hey, Peter!” she innocently shouted to me from across the room.

“Damn it, Tanya! I’ve been waiting for you for hours and you innocently greeted me?!” I shouted back when she finally sat in front of me. “Your espresso is cold right now!”

“I’m so sorry, Peter, I’m so sorry! Tyler couldn’t decide which suit he’ll wear to his interview. So he asked me to help him,” she said with a grin on her face. “What’s the matter, anyway? You didn’t sound good when you call,”

“I didn’t,” I said.

She leaned forward and took a sip of her coffee. “Tell me then,”

“Look, as Aislinn’s best friend, what do you think about what she thinks about failure?” I asked, hoping she didn’t figure out the reason why I ask her that.

She frowned for a while. I might seem like a thief watching his target when I’m looking at Tanya, waiting her answer. When she finally opened her mouth, she said, and again, with a grin, “I don’t know,”

“Damn it, Tanya!”

“Well, why don’t you ask that to herself? I’m no mind-readers, for God’s sake!”

“I don’t want her to know that-”

“You failed on something? Yeah, I get that. She’s so sensitive when something’s happening,”

I nodded. At first, I only want to talk about that to Tanya, but then every words were bursting out of my mouth. “I failed on my job¬†interview, okay? I don’t want Aislinn to know that because I don’t want to let her down,” I said. When Tanya didn’t say a word, I knew she wanted to know more. “You see, being a professional animation maker¬†is my lifelong dream. I know that, right now, I’m working as an animation maker and I’m making a good money, but I want more. I want to make an animation so good that everyone in the world will notice my work. And to achieve that, I gotta keep moving. I can’t stay in a company who kills every employee’s dream by being not a serious company,”

I gave a pause and drank my coffee. Tanya still stay silent. I knew she was observing me and my problem. She’s the best at that, well, the second best. Aislinn is the best.

So I continued, “Aislinn has been supportive to me everyday. She even supports me when I’m about to quit my job even though she knows that she must rearrange our monthly needs to save our money. I love her, you know? I can’t stand the idea of letting her down because of my failure. And I failed at the interview.. I guess I overrated my self,”

Tanya finally spoke, “Ah, love. So, basically, you don’t want to let her down?”

I nodded.

“Just tell her. She’s a gorgeous woman with a big fat heart. She won’t be disappointed by her husband’s failure on reaching his dream,” she said. “Look, you know what, Pete? I know that this is not about you telling her that you failed. It’s about failure itself, isn’t it? You feel bad for failing on something and you brought Aislinn as an excuse for spilling your heart out to me. Am I right?”

“You caught me,” I said. “But I still feel bad about telling Aislinn that I failed,”

She smiled. “I know. You see, failure is not the end of everything. Back in college, I got a B once, while, you know, I had always been getting an A+. At that point, I felt like my whole universe is sinking. Sinking, you know! I wanted to be a perfect student and having a B in my paper broke my heart. I didn’t eat pizza -my favorite food- for weeks! I had no appetite and I felt like I had no reasons to live. Call me selfish and stupid, that’s what I was,”

Tanya grabbed a french fries and continued talking, “Then one day, after sick of seeing me being weird, my ultimate best friend and roommate Aislinn talked like this to me, ‘I got a C again. I hope that one day I’ll graduate with flying colors and impress Peter,’. And I was shocked for a while. Until now, I still don’t know whether she said that deliberately to knock me or not, but what she said did really knocked me. I thought, ‘Wow, I’m such a an asshole. I still got better grades than Aislinn but I felt like giving up. But there Aislinn is, having worse grades than me but still being an optimistic. I should be more grateful for what I have,’. And you should, too, Peter,”

I nodded for a while. There’s nothing I can say. I’m too stunned by what Tanya said. I’ve never heard that story before. Aislinn is the master of all optimist. If I was Aislinn and wanted to have good grades to impress someone I love and finally achieved a bad grade, I might be stressed. But there Aislinn is. She failed but she still being an optimist.

Tanya was an asshole. And maybe I was an asshole too. No. Not maybe. I was an asshole. I gotta ask God to forgive me for being such an asshole. I gotta be grateful for what I have and I had. I gotta have the guts to speak the reality.

“Wow! Thank you, Tanya,”

“Anytime, Peter,”

I grabbed my coat and a coffee I bought earlier for Aislinn. “I gotta go. So, see you someday?”

“Okay. Just remember that Aislinn is in love with you and she’s the kind of person who will accept you whatever happens to you. And tell Aislinn I miss her,” She waved her hand towards me.

“I will,”

I walked through the door. The sky was dark and yellowish light bulbs lighted my path. And I suddenly knew that there’s forgiveness for every sins if you ask it with heart. I lifted my chin and walked home.

Sejak Kapan

325

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sejak kapan,
Hati ini kembali berbunga.
Sejak kapan,
Mata ini mencari jejak hadirnya.
Sejak kapan,
Telinga ini menguping perkatanya.
Sejak kapan,
Jantung ini berdegup lebih kencang karenanya.

Dan bahkan aku sendiri tak tahu,
Sejak kapan kau mencuri perhatianku.

Ada sesuatu, dalam berat dehammu, dalam renyah tawamu, dalam lantang suaramu,
Yang membuat otakku jungkir balik tak menentu.

Ada sesuatu, dalam lekuk indah bibirmu, dalam tegap jalanmu, dalam tajam tatap matamu,
Yang membuat hatiku meledak hingga darah mengalir membuat pipiku bersemu.

Aku ingin berhenti, sebelum semua menjadi tak berarti.
Aku ingin berhenti, sebelum ada hati yang tersakiti.

Tetapi, bahkan aku sendiri tidak tahu,
Sejak kapan aku ingin melanjutkan semua ini denganmu.

Sajak A dan U

Kepadaku kau sekeras batu,
Kepadanya hangatmu bak mentari senja.

Kepadaku kau salahkan semua tuturku,
Kepadanya kau bela tiap perkatanya.

Didiriku kau torehkan luka dan pilu,
Didirnya kau ukirkan gelak tawa.

Didiriku kau limpahkan seluruh masalahmu,
Didirinya kau habiskan bahagia.

Memangnya siapa diriku
dibanding dirinya?

Memangnya siapa dirimu
sehingga berhak melakukannya?

Aku tak mau lagi mendengarmu,
Serigala berbulu domba.

“Kita”

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Dengan manja kita biasa bersua,
Berbicara menghabiskan kata-kata,
Meskipun kata-kata selalu ada di antara kita.

Matahari dan bulan,
Saling mengejar, datang dan pergi.
Semuanya seakan menjadi bualan,
Sehingga kata-kata tak bermakna lagi.

Dengan nanar aku berdoa,
Kupanjatkan doa kepada-Nya,
“Semoga kau dan aku bahagia,”
Karena kau dan aku tak lagi sebuah ‘kita’.

Dear Future Me #1

Dear future me,
I, your past, wrote this letter so you will remember.

If you remember, back in your teenage days, you rarely had fun. You spent too much time on studying and chasing your academic goals. That made you lacked of time. Your friends went on dates and parties, but you went to libraries and teacher’s room, demanding for answers.

I know that now, when you read this, you regret what you have done. You may think that you wasted your youth. You may think that you lost the only time you can have fun. I may agree with what you think, because, YES, thanks to you, I spend my days miserably. Trying to submit tasks punctually, summarizing my (and yours, too) school text book.. that’s a crap. It’s a tiring activity.

Monotone.
Dull.
That’s how your past life was.

However, you should be grateful for what you’ve done. You did sacrifice fun things, you did sacrifice your youth. But look where it brings you to. You are here, on the top of your life. You gained all of your ambition. You are here, respected by everyone because of your knowledge, because of your personality. You’re the star. You’re happy.

And I, as your past, am proud of you. I just can’t wait those shining days to come.

Love,
You in the past.

***

Inspired by what Ted Mosby, a fictional character in How I Met Your Mother, have done.