Izinkan

Jika dulu, kau torehkan luka bernanah di diriku, maka kini, yang ada hanyalah keropeng lukaku. Waktu telah membekukannya, bukan menyembuhkannya. Rasa sakit itu masih ada meski tak kentara. Dan izinkan aku untuk menyembuhkan diriku dengan sekali lagi merasakan rasa itu. Keropeng itu, gugurkanlah. Sehingga kelak yang ada hanyalah bekas luka yang telah menerimamu apa adanya. Izinkanlah aku meminta, sekali ini saja, karena aku ingin kau ada.. tanpa lagi menimbulkan luka.

Izinkanlah aku.. untuk berdamai dengan kata kita yang pernah ada.

Two Years From Now

Freedom

Two years from now, the day I turn 17,
I’ll be gaining my freedom.
I’ll run as fast as I can, as far as I want.
I’ll be as free as a bird, flying towards the sky of freedom.
I won’t look below as I’m done with it. I’m done with the ground, I’m done with gravity.
There will only be me, having my rights freely completely, even my right to go to other galaxy.
I’ll discover new things that I’ll enjoy myself.

Two years from now, I’ll be.

Dear Juliet #1

Pen Writing

Dear Juliet,
Do you believe in fate, my dear Juliet?
As I am trapped in my not-so-beautiful exam room, I started to think of how fate controls us.

What do you think I should do, Juliet, if I feel that I don’t belong here, a place where I should go if I want to go to where I really want to?
What do you think I should do, Juliet, if a girl who loves poetry, arts, and chatter like me stays in a dull place which is lack of singing souls?

Dear Juliet,
Don’t you think that ‘forcing’ is a bad thing?
What can we girls do if we were forced to do things while our hearts don’t want to sing?
Don’t you think that every jingling bells is a blessing and so do our feelings?

And O Juliet,
Why does this happen to us?
To the flesh who have smooth red cheeks when we blush.
Why should we are the one who give a buzz and not those greedy men who never give a buzz?

And O dear Juliet,
May I ask whether do you agree with me?
Dear Juliet,
You’re far from your Romeo,
And I am far from my places-to-go.

I don’t know what to do, my dear Juliet.
Why us? Why girls? Why locked?
My dear Juliet,
Am I a sinner if I blame the sky?
Am I a sinner for not being a faithful follower?

Dear Juliet,
Please give me an answer,
As we both are far from being a winner.

Love,
Me, the one who’s  not ready to flee.

Are You Sure That You Love “The Movie”, Not The Touching Plot Nor The Cast?

Are you sure that you love the movie, not the touching plot nor the cast?

Well, that is a question you must ask to yourself after watching a movie.

We, people who don’t know anything about the film industry sometimes say “I like that movie” and “I hate that movie” without any further thinking. Well, I admit it that sometimes I do. And after I thought for a long time, I think that judging something without further thinking is rude. Especially when it comes to movies.

As a viewer of a movie, I think it is easy to assess how good is a movie or how interesting is the movie. We, viewers, want satisfaction from what we watch and we always have that thinking of what satisfy us is a good thing. It depends on us, on our taste. We people have different lists of ‘things that satisfy us’. Like happy endings, romantic plot, good looking actor/actress, etc. And.. yeah, you can bring that list when you judge a thing you want to buy, but you can’t bring that list when you watch a movie. By judging a movie based on your list, I guess you do an unfair thing, you decide whether something is good or not by your taste, not by the quality.

I’m not someone who’s in the film industry or someone who have made big hits movies before, but as someone who have experienced the life of a movie maker (Well, not really. It’s just a school project), I know how hard it is to make a movie. Making a twisty plot which is able to entertain people yet still containing a moral value is hard. Moreover, directing the casts to act like how they should based on the script is also hard. Editing the movie. Adding special effects to the movie. All of those steps involves creativity and patience.

Behind The Scenes

So.. I guess it is not fair to judge a movie based on our list of ‘things that satisfy us’. I guess those immature words such as “She’s not pretty!” or “Hello?! I need a happy ending!” or “It’s not entertaining at all! All those people do is just wandering around like saints and say good things! I want a more alive characters, characters who say f*ck like every one minute!” is not fair. Well, what if the scriptwriter and the director made the movie like that? What if in the script, the female characters are described as ‘a not-very-appealing girl’? We don’t know.

Sure, we’re totally allowed to comment a movie, but our comments should be based on reasonable things. When we comment a movie, we should also remember that making a movie is not as easy as it seems. Our comments should be able to improve the quality of the next movie released.

Then, what aspects can we assess so that we can decide whether we love a movie or not? Easy. Change your POV and let yourself be a director for a while. There’s a lot of aspects we can assess. Like how the cast brought the characters, are they good or not? Or the plot, is it fresh and original or is it just copying the plot of the last hit movie? Or the appearance of the casts (you may assess it if you’re dying to, haha kidding), is their make up is well done or not? See?

So, I guess that’s how we should assess a movie. Assessing a movie by seeing a movie inside and out or assessing a movie from the POV of a director (plus the act of appreciating the movie for the work of the crew though the movie is awful) can really makes your head clear and able to give a strong reasonable answer and explanation when someone ask you “Do you love the movie or not?”.

-

So I guess that’s it. FYI, I wrote those things above because I’m kinda mad at the movie and TV programs my local TV channels provide. My local TV channels can’t even provide one truly educating program! #GodBlessIndonesia

So, I think I’m going into a hiatus for a while, my final national exam is coming up this May. I’m sorry but I gotta stay focus. Please give me your support and prayer, and I hope your life will be la vie en rose. :)

Arrivederci!

Sejak Kapan

325

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sejak kapan,
Hati ini kembali berbunga.
Sejak kapan,
Mata ini mencari jejak hadirnya.
Sejak kapan,
Telinga ini menguping perkatanya.
Sejak kapan,
Jantung ini berdegup lebih kencang karenanya.

Dan bahkan aku sendiri tak tahu,
Sejak kapan kau mencuri perhatianku.

Ada sesuatu, dalam berat dehammu, dalam renyah tawamu, dalam lantang suaramu,
Yang membuat otakku jungkir balik tak menentu.

Ada sesuatu, dalam lekuk indah bibirmu, dalam tegap jalanmu, dalam tajam tatap matamu,
Yang membuat hatiku meledak hingga darah mengalir membuat pipiku bersemu.

Aku ingin berhenti, sebelum semua menjadi tak berarti.
Aku ingin berhenti, sebelum ada hati yang tersakiti.

Tetapi, bahkan aku sendiri tidak tahu,
Sejak kapan aku ingin melanjutkan semua ini denganmu.

2014 Resolutions? Happy New Year! (Plus: Polling for My Future)

Today is new year’s eve, at least it is in my country, Indonesia. On the last day of the year 2013, I’d like to recall great things I have done in this year. I proudly say that I have faced heartbreaks -though not in the best way- and be a better person -though still not the best.

And then, I look forward. Every new year’s eve, sometimes we make new resolutions for us for the next year. Those resolutions kinda save us in this life by giving a line to be followed. And as tonight, right now, I’m trying to make my 2014 resolutions.. I’m feeling confused. What am I going to pursue in 2014? That thought creeps on my head. But then, I take a look at my 2013 resolutions.

Cut Alima’s 2013 Resolutions:
1. Try harder to be close to God.
2. Study hard, focus on my future, and put my spiritual and mental needs in my top priority.
3. Be selfless, kind, brave, honest, and smart. Also, be more alive.
4. Face my life whatever it takes and always be grateful.
5. Live happily!
6. Be smart like my junior high school senior (I’m afraid he’s going to find out if I put his initials, so.. just call him X).

And right now, I think that we don’t always need new resolutions every new year. Because for me, honestly, I haven’t pursue all of my 2013 resolutions.. and in 2014, I’d like to still trying to pursue those. Maybe one day in 2014 I’ll add some more points in my resolutions, but that’s alright. At least we have a line to follow, I don’t want a new one right now.

And so (oh God, I have said a lot of AND), here’s my 2014 resolutions:

Cut Alima’s 2014 Resolutions:
1. Try harder to be close to God.
2. Study hard, focus on my future, and put my spiritual and mental needs in my top priority.
3. Be selfless, kind, brave, honest, and smart. Also, be more alive and young.
4. Face my life whatever it takes and always be grateful.
5. Live happily!
6. Be smart like my junior high school senior,X (oh God, I believe he will be an important people in Indonesia later, maybe he will be a president).

Besides thinking about new year’s resolution and your or our future, I suppose we should celebrate tonight, right? Tonight is the end of a year, and tomorrow we will start another one. We will have a brand new blank canvas to be painted!

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE! May God be with us! *cheers*

And now (dammit!), I’d like to ask you guys a favor. I’ve been thinking about what will I be in the future and I’m still stuck when I’m thinking about it, so tonight, I want to ask you something.

Thank you guys. Your voice means a lot for me.
And again, HAPPY NEW YEAR! :)

Believe It Or Not…

…you’re dealing with a girl who is growing up.

She may be the one who’s just a little girl when you first saw her. You used to see her in ponytails, running back and forth, screaming, crying, and saying innocent things because she was innocent.

But believe it or not, accept it or not, sooner or later you should deal the fact that she’s not the little girl from your memories anymore.

She has grown into something more big. Sure, she’s still a teenager, but that doesn’t mean you can treat her as not an adult. The thing is, you’re too stubborn to believe that she’s mature now. You’re too stubborn to believe that maturity is not based on age. Maturity is based on how people react to something. But you, you always see her as a little girl from your memories, and that makes you hard to believe that now she’s a mature girl. You treat her as a child since she’s just a teenager in your mind. You never know her but you just judge her by her age, and that’s… undemocratic. Your mind are too cloudy to judge her in the right way. You insisted that she’s always a little girl, but, believe it or not, she’s not anymore. And you should believe her, trust her, let her do things she want since she’s more mature now. But all you do is overprotecting her. Sure, I understand that you love her very much. But, don’t you think that she will hate you because of that? She will feel that she is not trusted. And don’t you ever think that you’re Mr. Know-It-All or Mr. The Best because that will make your mind more cloudy when you judge her.

Listen to her. Trust her. Let her do what she wants. You don’t know her anyway.
Believe it or not, she’s not the little girl from your memories anymore.
Deal with it.

Book and Movie Review – The Spectacular Now by Tim Tharp

This is a story about the amazing Sutter Keely.
He’s the boy you want in every party. Well actually, he’s the life of every party.

Sutter Keely is a senior high school boy. His mom ditched his dad because he is so irresponsible. Sutter is not an ordinary boy, as I told you before, he is the life of every party. He doesn’t have good grades, though, but he is so social, if you know what I mean. He befriends with everybody. He never thinks about his future, he devoted his self as the one who lives in the now.

Sutter has a beautiful girlfriend named Cassidy who had stayed with him two months longer than Sutter’s ex-girlfriends. Cassidy is a social girl who planned her future, not like Sutter, of course.

One day, Sutter tried to hook his best friend Ricky with someone since he never had a girlfriend before. On the weekend, Sutter hooked Ricky with Bethany. While accompanying Ricky and Bethany on their first date, Sutter had a chat with Bethany’s friend named Tara. Tara said that she was celebrating the day his step dad got ditched by her mom and Sutter said he had his dad ditched too. In fact, he boasted that his dad is a successful businessman who worked on the top of Chase building, which was actually a lie. He didn’t know where his dad is. All he could do is to get drunk and missed him.

When Sutter had a talk with Tara, Cassidy suddenly approached them. She thought that Sutter cheated on her -which is obviously not- and she broke up with him. She once told him to think about her feelings but she said he couldn’t and they broke up. Though they still love each other, Cassidy decided to say goodbye to him. I think that what she had done is right. Sutter isn’t supposed to be with Cassidy, he’s just an obstacle to Cassidy’s bright future.

Well, Sutter is a party-man, so it wasn’t too shocking if he got drunk every day and every single time. One morning, he woke up alone at a stranger’s lawn after partying all night. His eyes met Aimee Finecky’s, the girl who woke him.

Aimee Finecky is a total nerd. She never had a boyfriend. She’s a madly fanatic lover of comics, sci-fi, space, horses, and else. She always eat at the canteen -which is a nerdy thing from Sutter’s eyes. However, she got good grades and she wanted to be a worker at NASA.

When Sutter found out that Aimee delivers newspaper on early morning to pay half of the bill and never stand for herself, Sutter decided to be her savior. Sutter taught her to be more social and brave enough to defend her self. He also taught her how to party, how to hook up with boys, and how to get drunk.

One day, Ricky asked him about the “What if she falls for you, Sutter?” thingy. Sutter said that she won’t and he won’t. Aimee is not the girl he’s going to date with, he thought. But he is absolutely wrong. Somehow, Aimee’s smoothness and care were able to bring the best side of Sutter’s out, like he is a different good guy. And somehow, Sutter fells in love with Aimee.

Sutter really thought that he was the savior of Aimee’s life but he was wrong. He turned Aimee to be a bad-girl-to-be. She was now an alcoholic and she easily swear to everyone. Ricky and Cassidy tried to make him understand about what he had done, but Sutter is so stubborn. Until one day, Sutter found out that his real dad is someone who can only take a somebody’s bright future. He realized that he was bad for Aimee. He realized that he was taking Aimee’s bright future.

When Aimee asked Sutter to move in with her in her new apartment when she’s in college, Sutter said yes while the fact is he won’t be going. When they shared their last kiss, Sutter thought that he did have a future to be given to Aimee, but not the one which includes him.

At the end of the story, he said goodbye, to everything, to his dad, to the past, to the future, and to Aimee and Cassidy. He said goodbye as he disappeared to the middle of his spectacular now.

I must say that I love this story so much! It sure is a heart-breaker novel, but it has A LOT OF moral values in it. Tim Tharp made a lovable character named Sutter and he somehow made Sutter as a wise man in a way. Here’s some of the line I love the most from this novel:

Here’s my problem with the public display of affection-it’s undemocratic. It’s like here’s this couple and they’re reigning over their own little universe and no one else is invited. My universe is way too vast for that. Once I get a girl alone, it’s different, but until then I’m like, Come on, come all! Bring your cousins, bring your dogs. No one’s excluded. But here’s my best friend, practically building a border fence to keep the rest of us out.

I go, “Embarrassment’s a waste of time. Now, where’s the hot tub? I need a hot tub. I’m an injured man.”

Life is an ocean, an most everyone’s hanging on to some kind of dream to keep afloat. Me, I’m just dogpaddling on my own, but Aimee’s lifesaver’s a beauty. I love it. Anyone would if they could see the way her face beams as she clutches that thing with all her strength.

Tim Tharp also mention some true facts about life which is so true. Here’s one:

I don’t know why calling someone Mister is supposed to underline the seriousness of a situation, but it seems to be a pretty common tactic among adults.

Aaand back to the topic. Why do I say that his novel is a heart-breaker? Because this novel is so honest. At first, Sutter’s purpose is to save Aimee. She’s too naive and a girl shouldn’t be like that. At least a girl should have fun, right? I think his purpose is good. But, however, the execution of his purpose is in a bad way. I don’t thing that making a girl alcoholic is a good thing. Sure, it may gives fun, but it’s wrong. Both Sutter and Aimee didn’t know it, but both of them were together going to be a much worse person. Until one day, one of them -Sutter- realized that he’s not good for her and he loved her very much so he tried to keep their distance. I feel that it’s just a sweet, sweet sacrifice. It’s like you love someone, but you’re too bad for someone, and you should let them go if you want them to reach their happiness. It’s just so sweet and heart-breaking!

And for the movie, it’s so FANTASTIC! Miles Teller (Sutter Keely) and Shailene Woodley (Aimee Finecky) are able to brought the characters perfectly. There’s a scene when Sutter said that he was bad for Aimee in the car and it’s so emotional, and Miles and Shailene acted perfectly!

177 178

However, the ending is different. In the novel, Sutter gave up to his life. But in the movie, he didn’t give up. Instead, he realized his wrong doings and he became a good person. In the movie, he ended following Aimee to college. Though it gives a less feels, but I think it’s alright. It seems that the scriptwriter (Michael H. Weber) emphasizes the moral value than the feels. It’s great actually, I don’t have to cry all night long, hehe :)

So, overall, this novel and the movie are worth to read/watch and highly recommended (especially to those who get lost in their teen age)!

Title: The Spectacular Now
Writer: Tim TharpTim Tharp - The Spectacular Now

Sajak A dan U

Kepadaku kau sekeras batu,
Kepadanya hangatmu bak mentari senja.

Kepadaku kau salahkan semua tuturku,
Kepadanya kau bela tiap perkatanya.

Didiriku kau torehkan luka dan pilu,
Didirnya kau ukirkan gelak tawa.

Didiriku kau limpahkan seluruh masalahmu,
Didirinya kau habiskan bahagia.

Memangnya siapa diriku
dibanding dirinya?

Memangnya siapa dirimu
sehingga berhak melakukannya?

Aku tak mau lagi mendengarmu,
Serigala berbulu domba.

Freedom

16

And yeah.
I dream of life that I don’t have,
Where I am me,
Untouchable. Uncontrollable.
I dream of days that won’t come soon.,
In which I can live in freedom,
Untouchable. Uncontrollable.

And here I am,
Trapped in dullness,
Caged by fate.

As I learn,
I should ride the waves,
Not be beaten and drowned by it.

As I learn,
It is not the sky that I want,
It is the bird.